7 Ways to Make Moving Easier for a Parent with Memory Changes
When a loved one is experiencing cognitive decline, helping them sort through a lifetime of belongings and settle into a new living space isn’t just about boxes and floor plans—it’s an emotional maze, filled with logistical hurdles, unexpected emotions, and just enough drawers of random utensils to make you question your sanity.
But it can also be a meaningful transition—especially when approached with compassion, patience, and a good game plan.
In today’s blog, I’m sharing seven tips to help you create a space that feels familiar, safe, and comforting, as well as a few memorable stories from families I’ve walked alongside.
Tip #1
Start sooner than you think you need to.
When your parent is facing memory challenges, time isn’t just money—it’s mercy.
A rushed move is tough for anyone. For someone who relies on routine and familiar surroundings, moving too quickly can feel disorienting—even traumatic. That’s why starting early matters. Think of this as a marathon, not a sprint. A longer timeline gives your parent space to process changes at their own pace—and gives you room to manage the emotional rollercoaster (including the inevitable car-cry between donation runs. No judgment).
If a move to a senior care community is on the horizon, you can begin months in advance. Many high-quality communities have waitlists and paperwork that can be handled well before downsizing begins. Emotionally, your parent will benefit from more time to gradually adjust.
Start small. A drawer, a shelf, a box of expired condiments from 2007. These micro-moves build momentum and open the door to thoughtful conversations when it’s time to make harder decisions about treasured belongings.
Tip #2
Call in reinforcements so you can be your parent’s safe place.
When you’re supporting a parent with cognitive changes, your most important role isn’t project manager—it’s being their steady, loving presence. That’s why it helps to designate someone else to handle the logistics.
Whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional senior advisor, having a point person for the “stuff” side of the move can make all the difference. They can focus on the details—timelines, floor plans, donation piles—while you focus on your parent. Your energy is better spent making tea, listening to stories, and keeping them engaged in familiar, comforting ways.
A favorite client moment: Katherine seemed to enjoy the activity around her during the downsizing process, but sometimes she’d grow agitated and start pacing. Her daughter found a simple, beautiful solution: she kept towels warm in the dryer. When Katherine became restless, she’d pull them out, and they’d sit folding laundry and chatting while the work quietly continued in the background.
If you do decide to bring in a professional, look for someone who specializes in aging transitions. The right advisor brings structure, sensitivity, and strategy—along with a calm, neutral presence that can reduce stress for everyone. They understand how dementia, Alzheimer’s, and other memory changes affect perception, and they know how to gently guide the process without triggering defensiveness.
The goal isn’t just getting through the move. It’s preserving your connection in the middle of it. And that’s a whole lot easier when you’re not doing it alone.
Tip #3
Safety + Familiarity = Sanity
I know you’ve been dying to toss your dad’s threadbare bathrobe or swap out your mom’s clunky recliner for something cuter—but don’t do it. The new space doesn’t need a certain aesthetic. It needs to feel safe, functional, and familiar.
For someone living with memory loss, familiar items are more than comfort—they’re visual anchors. The favorite mug. The quilt they always napped under. That odd little brass cat statue by the TV. These aren’t just “things”—they’re memory cues. They can ease anxiety and help with orientation on difficult days.
So resist the urge to replace everything. Keep the bed they know. Use the same linens, dishes, and lamps wherever you can. Even that fraying armchair might matter more than you realize. To your parent, it’s not ugly or outdated—it’s home.
If the facility or apartment has lots of neutral tones (and many do), use color to highlight key areas. A bright hand towel. A colored toilet lid. Contrasting grab bars. These visual differences help with recognition and navigation. And don’t forget lighting—cognitive change often affects depth perception, so more lighting (especially warm, indirect light) helps reduce confusion and fall risk.
Tip #4
Your face talks first.
When communication gets tricky (and it will), your expression and body language will say more than your words ever could. Cognitive changes can make it harder to find the right words or follow conversations, but some things still cut through—your tone, your face, your vibe.
Here’s your cheat sheet:
- Speak slowly and deliberately, but keep your tone natural and relaxed.
- Use short sentences and visual cues.
- Keep your expression calm, kind, and open.
- Sit or stand at eye level, and match their level of engagement.
- Smile when you say, “Let’s go through this box together”—even if it’s the eighth box of margarine tubs.
Your mood is contagious. If you’re anxious or irritated, your parent will feel it, even if they can’t articulate why. So aim for warmth and patience—not fake cheer, but real presence. And if you feel your halo start to slip? Take a break. Even angels need a walk in the sunshine sometimes.
Tip #5
Validate, don’t agitate.
Here’s a common trap: You hold up a cracked dish and say, “You don’t need this, Mom.”
And she snaps back, “That’s from my wedding! Why would you throw that away?!”
Instead of correcting or dismissing, lean in. Arguing with facts rarely helps. But acknowledging feelings? That’s where the connection lives.
Try this instead: “That’s such a beautiful dish. It must hold a lot of memories. Tell me about it.”
Now you’re inviting a story—not starting a standoff.
A client story: Leonard spent twenty years in the military and collected a beer stein from every country he visited. He loved talking about them—each one came with a story. When it came time to downsize, Leonard insisted on taking the whole collection. But in his new, smaller space, there just wasn’t room. His son found a creative solution: he photographed every stein and made a book. It stayed in Leonard’s room, giving visitors and caregivers a way to connect—and giving Leonard a treasured piece of his story he could revisit anytime.
This process is about honoring who your parent is, even as their memory shifts. Every saved item represents a piece of their identity. That’s sacred ground—and worth a little extra time.
Tip #6
Get familiar with the new place—together.
Before moving day, plan a few casual visits to the new community. Think of it as building familiarity in layers.
Ask for an event calendar and choose a couple of activities your parent might genuinely enjoy. Take a walk in the garden. Sit in the dining room during lunch. Attend an ice cream social. Anything with music, animals—or cookies—is usually a safe bet.
The goal is to create positive associations with the new space. These “mini memories” help your parent feel more at ease when the real move happens. Plus, it gives staff a chance to meet your parent in a low-pressure setting—before the boxes and big emotions arrive.
Tip #7
Recreate home in the new place.
Once your parent has moved, look for ways to visually connect their old space to the new one. These small touches of familiarity can provide comfort, reduce confusion, and help with orientation.
Try to:
- Place the bed in the same orientation as before (lamp on the left, window on the right—whatever they’re used to).
- Use the same bedding and pillows.
- Set out their favorite coffee mug and breakfast bowl in the usual spot.
- Hang photos, artwork, calendars, and clocks in the same layout as before, if possible.
A client story: Emma had a habit of standing up and pacing away from her favorite recliner, as if she were looking for something. Her granddaughter noticed what everyone else missed—the box of tissues that had always lived on her end table was gone. Once it was returned, Emma settled again. From then on, staff knew to check for it anytime she seemed unsettled.
These small consistencies might not mean much to you—but to your parent, they’re an emotional roadmap. What feels like clutter to you may be exactly what helps them feel safe, seen—and home.
Bonus Tip
Let their story lead.
One of the most meaningful parts of this journey is listening. When your parent wants to tell the story of the chipped coffee cup for the fifth time, listen like it’s the first.
Because those stories matter.
They make up who they are.
Let them show you what’s important. Don’t assume—invite. Instead of choosing your favorite items, hold one up and ask, “What about this one?” Then watch their face. You’ll see it—the flicker of recognition, the fond smile, or maybe just a quiet shrug that says “Nope.”
Their reactions are your guide.
This process isn’t just about stuff.
It’s about connection.
Final Thoughts (and a reminder to breathe)
Helping a parent with memory loss downsize and move is a sacred transition. It asks a lot—of your heart, your patience, and your energy. Even when it’s clearly the right next step, it can feel overwhelming.
Remember:
Starting early gives everyone time to adjust.
Familiar spaces reduce confusion and help preserve your parent’s sense of self.
And clear, calm communication—grounded in empathy—makes all the difference.
So take a deep breath. Hug your parent.
Label the silverware drawer.
You’ve got this.
And if you want someone to walk it with you, I’m here.
This post was inspired in part by the excellent resource “Successful Dementia Moves” by Dovetail Companies, which offers practical insights for senior move managers and families alike.
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ABOUT ME
Hi, I’m Jill Hart.
In my work as a professional organizer and senior advisor, I’ve helped people in every stage of life downsize, organize, and relocate to new homes.
From childhood visits with my grandmother to my career in real estate, I’ve always been drawn to supporting those entering new life chapters. When I realized that downsizing is about so much more than selling a home, I knew I had found my calling.
My clients aren’t just moving—they’re making tough decisions about what to keep, donate, and pass on. They’re navigating emotional transitions while juggling family opinions, logistics, and timelines. That’s why I created a service that goes beyond real estate.
My team and I handle the planning, organizing, packing, cleaning, and selling—so you don’t have to do it alone. No matter your situation, we’re here to make downsizing a smoother, more manageable process.
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Learn more at downsizingwithhart.com.